The Odd Couple

By Fiona Black

Borrowing the title of Neil Simon’s famous play seemed appropriate for this article because I am about to describe a real life odd couple. Like Simon’s original play the article will be structured as three acts with the first two taking place in 2023 and the final one in 2024. All three acts take place in the same small artsy, crafty town near where I live that is a great spot to hang around on a nice day.

The leading character is someone I chose to call “Oscar”, not his real name but a very apt one as you will see. Oscar is around 5’10”, 250 lbs., in his mid 40’s and partially bald with short, buzz-cut grayish hair. He is very muscular with a bit of excess cushioning spread around here and there. He is covered with tattoos on his arms, hands, shoulders, chest, neck and a few on his legs. He does outdoor work for a living, chain smokes and looks like a very tough customer, a real bruiser, not someone you want to mess with at all. And, in each of the following three acts, Oscar wore the exact same outfit: beat up tank top, beat up knee-length work shorts, beat up work shoes. So he definitely fits the role of Neil Simon’s Oscar which leaves me to play the role of Felix. Minor roles are played by Mrs. O, Oscar’s wife and by his dog.

The curtain rises, the show begins.

Act 1 – Spring 2023

It was a beautiful spring day and I was sitting in one of my favorite people watching spots on the town’s main street wearing a flowery, spaghetti-strap maxi dress. Across the street I see this guy with his dog, a breed that is not all that common and a breed that I find fascinating. There was a steady stream of people stopping to admire the dog and ask questions of the owner. I was dying to go over as well but hesitated because the guy looked like someone a feminine trans woman should avoid at all costs. But I really wanted to go pet the dog so, after wavering back and forth, I crossed myself, said a silent prayer and went over to talk to him figuring that if he started pounding on me at least there were a lot of witnesses around.

We chatted about his dog for a while then somehow got to talking about the neighborhood where he lives and some work he was doing on his house. I found I was enjoying talking to him as we chatted away. At one point, he stopped and introduced himself by reaching out his hand and saying, “By the way, I’m Oscar”. I hesitated briefly, wondering if he intended to rip my arm off and beat me with it, but I went ahead and shook his hand, with mine disappearing in his meaty paw, and introduced myself. He turned out to be a heck of a nice guy! Very friendly, chatty with a boisterous laugh. We talked for a little while then Mrs. O came along. He introduced me and she complimented me on my dress! She needed to talk to him about something so I said my goodbyes, gave the dog a last rub behind the ears and wandered off. I then sat in a park for a while asking myself “Did that just really happen?” Neither of them seemed to be fazed in the least that they had been talking to a man dressed as a woman. I was gobsmacked by the nice reception I got. It really made my day.

Act 2 – Late Summer 2023

Scene 1

On one of the last warm days of the summer I was back in the same town sitting in my same people watching seat when who comes walking out of the restaurant next to me but Oscar. He wanted a smoke and we started chatting away about a bunch of stuff. At one point someone he knew drove by and yelled something to him which turned out to be one of his nicknames. He told me that one of his other nicknames was Shrek both because he gets a real kick out of the Shrek movies and because he kind of looks like him, being big and mostly bald. As he’s telling me this he’s giving me a smirky, side-eye look and I don’t have a clue why. All I knew about the character Shrek was that he was big, bald and green, that’s it. Thankfully Oscar wasn’t green so even though I didn’t have a clue, I chuckled and we then started talking about something else. After a bit, his wife came out of the restaurant and they were heading home so I bid them goodbye.

Scene 2

A few weeks later, I had finished watching a ballgame and was channel surfing when I came across a Shrek movie. It peaked my interest because of my conversation with Oscar so I watched it for a bit.

At one point, Shrek is walking along with his little buddy who spots Shrek’s wife in the distance.

He turns and says “Hey Shrek, look there’s your wife, there’s Fiona”.

I sat straight up in my chair and went, “Wait a minute! What!? Fiona is Shrek’s wife?!

No wonder Oscar was smirking at me when he told me his nickname!

What a hoot! I had a good laugh over that.

Act 3 – Spring 2024

It was a lovely day the following spring and I was back in that same town sitting in a park. I wanted to stretch my legs a bit and as I was walking past another restaurant, I saw Oscar outside having a smoke. We greeted each other and he leaned over and gave me a little hug! Another gobsmacking moment which got even better when he then he said to me “I just wanted to do that because you are a nice person”.

At this point I am going to stop narrating the play’s happenings for a moment in order to talk directly to you, the audience. I used the word “gobsmacking” to describe this moment but it was actually much more than that because I could tell he really meant it, he was not just saying it to be nice. This “bruiser” was actually indicating his acceptance of me as a trans woman in his own particular, honest way. I found this both touching and interesting because the majority of men would never think of saying something like that to anyone, especially someone that could be considered such a “manly” man like Oscar. Men are usually brought up to hide their emotions, not share them. So hearing something like this from a guy, especially to a trans woman, showed that although Oscar is a bit rough on the outside, deep inside, under all that muscle and padding, he has a heart of gold. Back to the play.

After catching up with each other for a few minutes, I couldn’t wait to tell him the story of watching the Shrek movie at home and finding out Fiona was his wife. I also reminded him of the smirk he gave me after telling me Shrek was his nickname. We had a really good laugh about that then talked some more. At one point, I told him I wanted to thank him for something. He looked puzzled but I went on to thank him for the very nice, respectful way he had treated me whenever we have met. I said that being a crossdresser or a trans women is not exactly everybody’s “cup of tea” as it were and we appreciate it when someone is so accepting of who we really are.

He acknowledged what I said then roared “Anyone’s cup of tea? Look at me, am I anyone’s cup of tea? All I care about is if I’m my wife’s cup of tea! Everyone else can go eff themselves!! He then roared with laughter which in turn made me roar with laughter and the two of us stood there laughing like hell. People walking by gave us the side-eye as they looked at us, a very odd couple indeed. I had tears in my eyes I laughed so much. It was great, neither of us did not care one whit what anybody else thought of us. It was a wonderful moment to be sure. After we recovered our senses a bit, Oscar went back into the restaurant to finish lunch with Mrs. O so we wished each other well and went our separate ways.

I have not seen him since.

The curtain falls, the play ends.

Will there be an encore? Will I ever see Oscar again? I don’t know because it was only by chance that we met each time. We just happened to be in town at the same time on the same days so it’s up to the fates if we will ever meet again. But I hope I to see him again both because I enjoyed his company and because I learned a lot from him. I learned that you really can’t tell a book by it’s cover, you just never know how some people feel about things. And I learned that it is okay to be different, conforming to society’s norms is not required for someone to be a nice person.

As I finished this article, I realized that I miscast the dog as having a minor role in the play. In fact, I owe everything to the dog. If the dog wasn’t there that day there is no way I would have crossed that street to talk to Oscar by himself. Look at what a neat experience I would have missed. The dog paved the way for the odd couple’s friendship so I am deeply indebted to the animal. He actually deserves top billing.

Editorial comment: This is already a “Kandi’s Favorite”. Yet another example of the real world, real people, real INDIVIDUAL people.