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By Stephanie Julianna

All of you ladies reading here obviously love dressing up as feminine as possible.  For many, it is the wonderful feeling of the amazing fabrics and cut of cloth that speak to us.  Others love the hairstyles and the feel of long locks on their necks and the way the hair frames their faces.  The magic of makeup delights the hearts of many as they strategically use powders and rouges to sculpt the best look to highlight their best features and play down others.  And the other individual delights are as numerous as the number of people who love to experience them.     

For some of us there is a desire to experience the whole enchilada.    That requires what I call true commitments that require time, and lots of physical alterations, some permanent, others temporary, while others require constant maintenance.  

The most common thing that most of us do is shave or use a depilatory.  Some of us take it to another level with electrolysis or laser treatments for a permanent solution.  A few, like me, are blessed.  Back in the early ’80’s I started cycling to get in shape and realized it was a great cover to keep my legs hair free.  After a few months using Nair, I never had to shave again.  And we all agree that nothing feels more amazingly feminine than nylons stretched taut over smooth legs. 

Weight loss is also a common effort.  Our own Kandi has shown us the benefits that losing weight and maintaining it has on her presentation and increases wardrobe choices immeasurably.  Two years ago I also lost over 20 lbs. and got back into size 10-12 dresses.  My outfit choices soared but more importantly, I recouped my health.  I have often said that our desire to look passable as ladies not only fills an emotional place but can also improve our overall health.  It has for me and many others.     

Back in my youth, I was enamored by feminine eyebrows.  I loved the delicate arc and the mysterious look a woman can create with just the correct shadow and eye makeup.  Who here can remember the look created by Veronica Lake?  I think it is a look that has stood the test of time and I try to replicate it when I can.  But there is a price to pay.  Over the years I have kept my brows neat and slowly shaped them to where I wanted them.  However, I also had to eventually be content with them 24/7.   And they have thinned out more with age.  Commitment.  And I love it when I pencil them in creating that undeniably female look.       

There is a fine line between commitment, desire and obsession.  I will confess that over the decades I have had to deal with all three.  I am sure that many here have as well.  As I have been slowly revealing over the course of my posts here, the ’80’s were a transformative period in my life. They were also very confusing.  I was becoming committed to looking more feminine as I was hanging out with many professional impersonators and crossdressers.  I lost my way and eventually was taking hormones.  The results were amazing and within 2 years I easily filled a 36B bra.  My wife was not happy and I denied taking anything.  My father had man boobs in his old age and I passed it off as genetic.  She’s not stupid and simply held on tight until I came around.  I thought it was commitment.  I guess it was, but it was dramatically misplaced.     

It would be other close friends in the same community who reminded me of what commitments were the most important.  Wife and Family.

There is an upside to that episode.  No falsies, except for occasional use of little silicon cutlets when I need a little cleavage for certain dresses.  Otherwise I do what any under endowed woman would do with my residual assets and make the best with what God left me.  There is nothing more liberating than using the assets you have, whether they are man made or God given, or both.     

Commitment can be a two edged sword.  I have survived some confusing times as I am sure many here have.  But in the long run, it is our true commitments that are the most worthwhile.  

May your journey be as safe and rewarding as possible. 

As always I welcome your comments and hope that there is something of value for you in the telling.

Stephanie Julianna

You are loved and missed Steph!

A reminder, we have lost contact with this wonderful woman, for reasons I do not know, but she wrote such great content from the old blog for a while, I want to share it and remember her. I pray she is well, but losing touch is commonplace in our community, unfortunately.


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